Friday, March 07, 2008;
10:47 PM
Disappointed... Yet again... Guess i have to lower my expectations le.... When the expectations is high, when there is failure to achieve it, the mood is adversely affected and in this way, due to my high expectations, i am feeling this sense of heartbrokeness in me....
If only i could be like some people, dun care abt anything, i would have been fine... But that is not my personality. You are my top priority but because of that, i have a very high expectation level on you... Guess its my fault. This week is particularly wierd... Thinking that by taking more off days, i will get to cya more but it is hardly the case. In a sense, i cant hide my disappointment. You told me when term 2 begins, you will see me even lesser. And now, near the holidays? it seems like the problem is within me.... I dun understand. Why am i feeling so aggrieved?
I am afraid that i cant take it.... I am closed to being depressed... So many things i wanted to do... So many things i cant do.... Now i am so cautious about each day... Today started out so well, why must it have to end this way...
Said i was willing to wait... But why am i feeling so heartbroken? Its not that i am feeling angry but i feel very disappointed. Feel like crying out. But it seems like i can only keep it in the deepest part of me... Guess its better to not have any emotions. That way, i wun be able to feel this feeling in me.
This is killing me.... I feel like i am contradicting myself.... Is this what i wanted? Or is this just my single minded thinking and causing this disappointment?
This is a very emo post.... Pls do not take anything in this post to heart.... Just needed somewhere to allow my mood to be expressed. Else, this burden might even cause me to get depressed.....
8 more days to macbook pro..... Cheer up, Jerrome...
Need someone to help me lighten up....
♥
Dear to pass 'O' Levels with flying colors
Have a new laptop